This May Make Me A Terrible Person

Posted on Thu 28 February 2008 in Dispatches • 3 min read

You know, I came to a realization tonight, one that surprised me. In retrospect, it’s been in my mind for a while now, but I haven’t allowed it to really solidify, because in some ways it makes me appear a little heartless, even to myself. However, the truth has to come out and after holding it in so long, and even hiding it from myself, I feel compelled to proclaim it; to own it.

So here it is: I hate kids.

I mean it. For years I have tried to ignore the irritation and frustration I have felt in the presence of children; I have tried to pass it off as awkwardness, like I didn’t know how best to relate to them. Come to think of it, I even wrote a post about this very same thing back when I was willing to rationalize away my emotional reactions. I would say it was just my inexperience, or my desire to have someone who could communicate on my level. But it is simpler than that: I just hate kids.

OK, maybe hate is too strong a word, but I certainly don’t like kids.

Kids are loud, their excited voices almost inevitably make me cringe. Their energy causes them to run around, which I find distracting and annoying. I am not immune to cuteness, kids do cute things sometimes; so does my cat, but being around my cat is not the grating experience that I find the company of children to be. I’m sure a psychologist could have a lot of fun figuring out where all this antipathy comes from, but here we are. The worst part of it is that it is so socially unacceptable to admit this in company that I’ve been avoiding it for ages. As a result, I now have this strong desire to be very upfront about it in inappropriate ways.

  • No, I do not want to hold your baby.”
  • No, I do not want your kid to come in and say hello.”
  • No, I do not want to show your kid what I’m doing.”
  • No, I do not want your kid to show me what they are doing, or introduce me to their new toy.”
  • No, I do not want to play a game with your kid.”
  • Yes, your kid is probably very cute, but s/he’s fucking boring.”

I will be much more polite than this in person, but the urge will be there. :-)

I am sure at some point in my life this will change, and there is some precedent for this. I mean, not to compare kids with animals, but in general I really dislike dogs, however I have always loved my dogs. I’m sure that when the time comes for me to have children, I will love my kids and think they are the most wonderful people in the world. And I do plan on having kids someday. Hell, in some ways, I am even looking forward to it!

I probably still won’t like your kids though. Sorry.