Skip to main content
  1. Dispatches/

Profitable Business Partnerships

·158 words·1 min
Articles Funny Personal Weird
Daniel Andrlik
Author
Daniel Andrlik lives in the suburbs of Philadelphia. By day he manages product teams. The rest of the time he is a podcast host and producer, writer of speculative fiction, a rabid reader, and a programmer.

Many years ago, I was driving through the suburbs of Chicago with my girlfriend at the time and I saw what had to be a very profitable arrangement. Driving down the road I noticed a retirement home coming up on my right. Now, I always find retirement homes depressing anyway, but this one was particularly bad in that it was directly across the street from a funeral home.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to live in a place like that. First of all to be placed inside of a retirement home away from your family and independence, and then to look out the window everyday and see exactly where you are going. To be aging, lonely and constantly aware of death.

And then one day you notice that not only is the funeral home across the street, it is also downhill and you never want to go for a ride in your wheelchair again.

Related

That Ring Is Like The Screams Of The Damned To My Ears
·683 words·4 mins
Articles Personal Weird Rants
I hate the telephone with an unreasoning yet unstoppable passion. It’s something my father and I share, so I probably learned it from him. The sound of a phone ringing, even if it is a cutesy cell phone ringtone, is like fingernails on chalkboard to my ears.
Why I Will Never Succeed In Marketing
·386 words·2 mins
Articles Funny Personal
I was leaving a parking garage late last night, and as I waited for the cashier to get me my change he surprised me by asking if I was interested in selling my car.
Ha!
·164 words·1 min
Articles Food Funny News Personal
I am amused. The Isthmus Daily Page, which is the digital version of one of Madison’s free weekly newpapers cited my entry where I wrote about my short trip to the Taste of Madison.